The following remains one of my favorite jokes about Filipinos, as heard on the David Letterman's Show when he used Filipino- American for his top ten reasons.
Joke, yes. But it's so TRUE!!!
Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn't Be a Filipino-American US President,
By David Letterman
(If you don't understand some of the references here, then you're not a Pinoy/Pinay, or you don't know Filipinos well enough. But fret not; you may send me your request for clarification, and I'll be happy to enlighten your inquiring mind.)
10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives.
09. There are not enough parking spaces at the White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas, a Mercedes Benz, a BMW , and an MPV (My Pinoy Van).
08. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating with their fingers at State dinners.
07. There are too many dining rooms in the White House - where will they put the
picture of the Last Supper?
06. The White House walls are not big enough to hold a pair of giant wooden spoon and fork.
05. Secret Service staff won't respond to 'psst... psst' or hoy.hoyhoy
04. Secret Service staff will not be comfortable driving the presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view mirror, or the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.
03. No budget allocation to purchase a Karaoke music-machine for every room in the White House.
02. State dinners do not allow 'Take Home'.
AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN'T BE A FILIPINO-AMERICAN U.S. PRESIDENT IS...
01. Air Force One does not allow overweight Balikbayan boxes!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
THE PRIEST AND THE VODKA
A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: 'Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.'
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: 'Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.'
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
NINE MONTHS LATER. . .A SURPRISE ARRIVES.
Matthew and Jonathan decided to go skiing one weekend. They loaded up Jonathan's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there," said the woman, "and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed. I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Matthew said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jonathan got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Matthew, and asked, "Matthew, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about nine months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Matthew.
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" asked Jonathan.
"Well, um, yes", Matthew said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Jonathan's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"
"Well," Jonathan grins. "She just died and left me everything."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
{And you thought it was going to be a baby, right?)
"I realize it's terrible weather out there," said the woman, "and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed. I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Matthew said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jonathan got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Matthew, and asked, "Matthew, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about nine months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Matthew.
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" asked Jonathan.
"Well, um, yes", Matthew said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Jonathan's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"
"Well," Jonathan grins. "She just died and left me everything."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
{And you thought it was going to be a baby, right?)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
OBAMA AND AMERICA'S "NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER"
This is chilling...
In 1952, President Truman established a "National Day of Prayer".
In 1988 President Reagan designated the First Thursday in May of each year as the "National Day of Prayer".
In June, 2007, then Presidential Candidate Barack Obama declared that the USA was no longer a Christian nation.
This year President Obama canceled the 21st annual National Day of Prayer ceremony at the White House under the ruse Of "not wanting to offend anyone."
On September 25, 2009, from 4 AM until 7 PM, a National Day of Prayer for the Muslim religion was Held on Capitol Hill, beside the White House. There were over 50,000 Muslims that Day in D.C.
(photo shows President Obama praying with the Muslims)
It seems it doesn't matter if "Christians" are offended by this event - that the Christians don't count as "anyone" anymore.
The direction this country is headed should strike fear in the heart of every Christian, especially knowing that the Muslim religion believes that if Christians cannot be converted, they should be annihilated.
The original article appears at this website:
( http://www.islamoncapitolhill.com/ )
In 1952, President Truman established a "National Day of Prayer".
In 1988 President Reagan designated the First Thursday in May of each year as the "National Day of Prayer".
In June, 2007, then Presidential Candidate Barack Obama declared that the USA was no longer a Christian nation.
This year President Obama canceled the 21st annual National Day of Prayer ceremony at the White House under the ruse Of "not wanting to offend anyone."
On September 25, 2009, from 4 AM until 7 PM, a National Day of Prayer for the Muslim religion was Held on Capitol Hill, beside the White House. There were over 50,000 Muslims that Day in D.C.
(photo shows President Obama praying with the Muslims)
It seems it doesn't matter if "Christians" are offended by this event - that the Christians don't count as "anyone" anymore.
The direction this country is headed should strike fear in the heart of every Christian, especially knowing that the Muslim religion believes that if Christians cannot be converted, they should be annihilated.
The original article appears at this website:
( http://www.islamoncapitolhill.com/ )
Laughter -- The Best Medicine
Laughter is the best medicine--so I've learned from Readers Digest. And since a lot of the people I know are affected and troubled by the economic crisis in this country and beyond, we all need our funny bones to be tickled every now and then. Therefore, let me lend you a hand in that department, since I cannot lend you the money to pay some of your debt. Some of these are my own jokes, but most of them I just heard from friends, or purged from the WEB. ENJOY AND LAUGH!!
The premiere of “Hawaii Five-0” was a great episode. The cops were looking around and they accidentally stumbled upon Obama’s birth certificate. (Letterman)
The economy is so bad, Justin Bieber had to get a paper route. (Leno)
Bad news for Paris Hilton. She was denied entry into Japan. Even worse news: She's coming back here. (Leno)
Obama announced today we are finally, it's official, getting out of Iraq. Because the way the economy is going, we're going to need the troops here, for, you know, riot control. (Maher)
Obama announced today we are finally, it's official, getting out of Iraq. Because the way the economy is going, we're going to need the troops here, for, you know, riot control. (Maher)
(Come back. I still have a lot more. I just have to go out for some errands.)
The premiere of “Hawaii Five-0” was a great episode. The cops were looking around and they accidentally stumbled upon Obama’s birth certificate. (Letterman)
The economy is so bad, Justin Bieber had to get a paper route. (Leno)
Bad news for Paris Hilton. She was denied entry into Japan. Even worse news: She's coming back here. (Leno)
Obama announced today we are finally, it's official, getting out of Iraq. Because the way the economy is going, we're going to need the troops here, for, you know, riot control. (Maher)
Obama announced today we are finally, it's official, getting out of Iraq. Because the way the economy is going, we're going to need the troops here, for, you know, riot control. (Maher)
(Come back. I still have a lot more. I just have to go out for some errands.)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
HOW OUR MIDDLEEASTERN ALLIES VOTE IN THE U.N. AGAINST THE U.S.
If you are medicating for high blood pressure, be sure you have taken your med today before reading the following.
Below are the actual voting records of various Arabic/Islamic States which are recorded in both the US State Department and United Nations records:
Kuwait votes against the United States 67% of the time
Qatar votes against the United States 67% of the time
Morocco votes against the United States 70% of the time
United Arab Emirates votes against the U. S. 70% of the time.
Jordan votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Tunisia votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Saudi Arabia votes against the United States 73% of the time.
Yemen votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Algeria votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Oman votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Sudan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Pakistan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Libya votes against the United States 76% of the time.
Egypt votes against the United States 79% of the time.
Lebanon votes against the United States 80% of the time.
India votes against the United States 81% of the time.
Syria votes against the United States 84% of the time.
Mauritania votes against the United States 87% of the time.
U S Foreign Aid to those that hate us:
Egypt votes 79% of the time against the United States. (It receives $2 billion annually in US Foreign Aid.)
Jordan votes 71% against the United States. (Itreceives $192,814,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.)
Pakistan votes 75% against the United States. (It receives $6,721,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.)
India votes 81% against the United States. (It receives $143,699,000 annually.)
WHY?
WHO IN THE HELL STARTED
THIS AND WHY?
THEY ACTUALLY BIT THE HAND THAT FEEDS THEM.
Perhaps it is time to get out of the UN and give the tax savings back to the American workers who are having to skimp and sacrifice to pay the taxes and gasoline.
Pass this along to every taxpaying citizen you know.
Disgusting isn't it?
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/unvote.asp
SNOPES.COM SAYS IT'S TRUE
Below are the actual voting records of various Arabic/Islamic States which are recorded in both the US State Department and United Nations records:
Kuwait votes against the United States 67% of the time
Qatar votes against the United States 67% of the time
Morocco votes against the United States 70% of the time
United Arab Emirates votes against the U. S. 70% of the time.
Jordan votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Tunisia votes against the United States 71% of the time.
Saudi Arabia votes against the United States 73% of the time.
Yemen votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Algeria votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Oman votes against the United States 74% of the time.
Sudan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Pakistan votes against the United States 75% of the time.
Libya votes against the United States 76% of the time.
Egypt votes against the United States 79% of the time.
Lebanon votes against the United States 80% of the time.
India votes against the United States 81% of the time.
Syria votes against the United States 84% of the time.
Mauritania votes against the United States 87% of the time.
U S Foreign Aid to those that hate us:
Egypt votes 79% of the time against the United States. (It receives $2 billion annually in US Foreign Aid.)
Jordan votes 71% against the United States. (Itreceives $192,814,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.)
Pakistan votes 75% against the United States. (It receives $6,721,000 annually in US Foreign Aid.)
India votes 81% against the United States. (It receives $143,699,000 annually.)
WHY?
WHO IN THE HELL STARTED
THIS AND WHY?
THEY ACTUALLY BIT THE HAND THAT FEEDS THEM.
Perhaps it is time to get out of the UN and give the tax savings back to the American workers who are having to skimp and sacrifice to pay the taxes and gasoline.
Pass this along to every taxpaying citizen you know.
Disgusting isn't it?
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/unvote.asp
SNOPES.COM SAYS IT'S TRUE
MICHELLE OBAMA’S PAID PERSONAL STAFF
"In my own life, in my own small way, I have tried to give back to this country that has given me so much," she said. "See, that's why I left a job at a big law firm for a career in public service."
... Michelle Obama
No, Michele Obama does not get paid to serve as the First Lady and she doesn't perform any official duties. But this hasn't deterred her from hiring an unprecedented number of staffers to cater to her every whim and to satisfy her every request in the midst of the Great Recession.
Just think, Mary Lincoln was taken to task for purchasing china for the White House during the Civil War. And Mamie Eisenhowe had to shell out the salary for her personal secretary from her husband's salary.
Total Personal Staff members for other first ladies paid by taxpayers:
Mamie Eisenhower : 1 paid for personally out of President's salary
Jackie Kennedy: 1
Roseline Carter: 1
Barbara Bush: 1
Hilary Clinton: 3
Laura Bush: 1
Michele Obama: 22
How things have changed! If you're one of the tens of millions of Americans facing certain destitution, earning less than subsistence wages stocking the shelves at Wal-Mart or serving up McDonald cheeseburgers, prepare to scream and then come to realize that the benefit package for these servants of Ms Michelle are the same as members of the national security and defense departments and the bill for these assorted lackeys is paid by YOU, John Q. Public:
Michele Obama's personal staff:
1.. $172,200 - Sher, Susan (Chief Of Staff)
2. $140,000 - Frye, Jocelyn C. (Deputy Assistant to the President and Director of Policy And Projects For The First Lady)
3. $113,000 - Rogers, Desiree G. (Special Assistant to the President and White House Social Secretary for Mrs. Obama)
4. $102,000 - Johnston, Camille Y. (Special Assistant to the President and Director of Communications for the First Lady)
5. $100,000 - Winter, Melissa E. (Special Assistant to the President and Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
6. $90,000 - Medina , David S. (Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
7. $84,000 - Lel yveld, Catherine M. (Director and Press Secretary to the First Lady)
8. $75,000 - Starkey, Frances M. (Director of Scheduling and Advance for the First Lady)
9. $70,000 - Sanders, Trooper (Deputy Director of Policy and Projects for the First Lady)
10. $65,000 - Burnough, Erinn J. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)
11. $64,000 - Reinstein, Joseph B. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)
12. $62,000 - Goodman, Jennifer R. (Deputy Director of Scheduling and Events Coordinator For The First Lady)
13. $60,000 - Fitts, Alan O. (Deputy Director of Advance and Trip Director for the First Lady)
14. $57,500 - Lewis, Dana M. (Special Assistant and Personal Aide to the First Lady)
15. $52,500 - Mustaphi, Semonti M. (Associate Director and Deputy Press Secretary To The First Lady)
16. $50,000 - Jarvis, Kristen E. (Special Assistant for Scheduling and Traveling Aide To The First Lady)
17. $45,000 - Lechtenberg, Tyler A. (Associate Director of Correspondence For The First Lady)
18. $43,000 - Tubman, Samanth a (Deputy Associate Director, Social Office)
19. $40,000 - Boswell, Joseph J. (Executive Assistant to the Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
20. $36,000 - Armbruster, Sally M. (Staff Assistant to the Social Secretary)
21. $35,000 - Bookey, Natalie (Staff Assistant)
22. $35,000 - Jackson, Deilia A. (Deputy Associate Director of Correspondence for the First Lady)
(total = $1,591,200 in annual salaries)
There has NEVER been anyone in the White House at any time who has created such an army of staffers whose sole duties are the facilitation of the First Lady's social life. One wonders why she needs so much help, at taxpayer expense.
Note: This does not include makeup artist Ingrid Grimes-Miles, 49, and "First Hairstylist" Johnny Wright, 31, both of whom traveled aboard Air Force One to Europe .
(Copyright 2009 Canada Free Press.Com
canadafreepress. com/index. php/article/ 12652)
Yes, I know, The Canadian Free Press had to publish this perhaps because America no longer has a free press and the USA media is too scared that they might be considered racist or suffer at the hands of Obama.
Sorry America !
Written by Dr. Paul L. Williams
... Michelle Obama
No, Michele Obama does not get paid to serve as the First Lady and she doesn't perform any official duties. But this hasn't deterred her from hiring an unprecedented number of staffers to cater to her every whim and to satisfy her every request in the midst of the Great Recession.
Just think, Mary Lincoln was taken to task for purchasing china for the White House during the Civil War. And Mamie Eisenhowe had to shell out the salary for her personal secretary from her husband's salary.
Total Personal Staff members for other first ladies paid by taxpayers:
Mamie Eisenhower : 1 paid for personally out of President's salary
Jackie Kennedy: 1
Roseline Carter: 1
Barbara Bush: 1
Hilary Clinton: 3
Laura Bush: 1
Michele Obama: 22
How things have changed! If you're one of the tens of millions of Americans facing certain destitution, earning less than subsistence wages stocking the shelves at Wal-Mart or serving up McDonald cheeseburgers, prepare to scream and then come to realize that the benefit package for these servants of Ms Michelle are the same as members of the national security and defense departments and the bill for these assorted lackeys is paid by YOU, John Q. Public:
Michele Obama's personal staff:
1.. $172,200 - Sher, Susan (Chief Of Staff)
2. $140,000 - Frye, Jocelyn C. (Deputy Assistant to the President and Director of Policy And Projects For The First Lady)
3. $113,000 - Rogers, Desiree G. (Special Assistant to the President and White House Social Secretary for Mrs. Obama)
4. $102,000 - Johnston, Camille Y. (Special Assistant to the President and Director of Communications for the First Lady)
5. $100,000 - Winter, Melissa E. (Special Assistant to the President and Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
6. $90,000 - Medina , David S. (Deputy Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
7. $84,000 - Lel yveld, Catherine M. (Director and Press Secretary to the First Lady)
8. $75,000 - Starkey, Frances M. (Director of Scheduling and Advance for the First Lady)
9. $70,000 - Sanders, Trooper (Deputy Director of Policy and Projects for the First Lady)
10. $65,000 - Burnough, Erinn J. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)
11. $64,000 - Reinstein, Joseph B. (Deputy Director and Deputy Social Secretary)
12. $62,000 - Goodman, Jennifer R. (Deputy Director of Scheduling and Events Coordinator For The First Lady)
13. $60,000 - Fitts, Alan O. (Deputy Director of Advance and Trip Director for the First Lady)
14. $57,500 - Lewis, Dana M. (Special Assistant and Personal Aide to the First Lady)
15. $52,500 - Mustaphi, Semonti M. (Associate Director and Deputy Press Secretary To The First Lady)
16. $50,000 - Jarvis, Kristen E. (Special Assistant for Scheduling and Traveling Aide To The First Lady)
17. $45,000 - Lechtenberg, Tyler A. (Associate Director of Correspondence For The First Lady)
18. $43,000 - Tubman, Samanth a (Deputy Associate Director, Social Office)
19. $40,000 - Boswell, Joseph J. (Executive Assistant to the Chief Of Staff to the First Lady)
20. $36,000 - Armbruster, Sally M. (Staff Assistant to the Social Secretary)
21. $35,000 - Bookey, Natalie (Staff Assistant)
22. $35,000 - Jackson, Deilia A. (Deputy Associate Director of Correspondence for the First Lady)
(total = $1,591,200 in annual salaries)
There has NEVER been anyone in the White House at any time who has created such an army of staffers whose sole duties are the facilitation of the First Lady's social life. One wonders why she needs so much help, at taxpayer expense.
Note: This does not include makeup artist Ingrid Grimes-Miles, 49, and "First Hairstylist" Johnny Wright, 31, both of whom traveled aboard Air Force One to Europe .
(Copyright 2009 Canada Free Press.Com
canadafreepress. com/index. php/article/ 12652)
Yes, I know, The Canadian Free Press had to publish this perhaps because America no longer has a free press and the USA media is too scared that they might be considered racist or suffer at the hands of Obama.
Sorry America !
Written by Dr. Paul L. Williams
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